Not Your Average Jane

I was gonna wait and do this after I got some sleep but I started on it and couldn't stop..

Here’s some open letters to guys who have made me want to throttle the male of the species…… Though one or two nice ones…

Dear Guy A,
Quit stalking me. NOW. Whatever it is you thought we may or may not have is all in your head… I came to that conclusion long ago its time you do the same. Especially if you wish to remain friends with me. You’re a nice guy but you’re obviously so far in denial about being gay that there’s nothing and no one to convince you otherwise. But I can’t say the least little thing to you without it being totally misconstrued and you immediately thinking I’m into you, can’t live with out you… Its getting old fast. All we had was some brief flirtation and a couple of crappy kisses. Get over it. If you don’t I’ll be forced to cut all ties to you again. And I don’t want to do that. Its gotten to the point I no longer want to go to a party you’re throwing… You know that can’t be good… Please and thank you.
Sincerely,
Annoyed Ali
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Dear Guy B,
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I know I can’t say that enough. You’re an amazing person in a very dangerous place. You’re optimism under any circumstances continues to astound and amaze me. I look forward to buying you that beer and hugging you like we keep talking about… :0)
Sincerely,
A Grateful Ali
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Dear Guy C,
How DARE you cancel on me at the last minute!?!?? We had plans for almost a week in advance and under most circumstances I wouldn’t mind last minute cop outs I was really looking forward to hanging out with you. You’ve lost your chance with me with your lame excuses and hemming and hawing about possible make up dates. I can stand anything but a guy who pussyfoots around that way. Good bye.
An Over You Ali
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Dear Guy D,
Where do I even begin with you? I’ve dug you for months now… And anyone whose known me more than 5 minutes knows that I don’t crush on guys that long. Ever. So why you? Why under these circumstances? I don’t know what to do about you anymore…. I enjoy giving you hell and I have a feeling you secretly enjoy it… But why haven’t you made a move or something… Anything… Give me a sign of some sort. Heck beat me over the head with a club and drag me back to your cave… But this status quo stuff’s gotta stop. I’ve thought of asking you to hang with groups of my friends but always chicken out at the last moment… I don’t know why. It’s a nasty habit I’ve gotten into… There’s even a couple of things next week I want to ask you to but I know I won’t because I’m a chicken shit… Even though I think you’re telling me you’d probably more than likely say yes… Help a sister out here…
Sincerely,
A Curious Ali
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To the Ex –
I don’t hate you, the way you think I do or the way people think I should… I just choose to feel sorry for you instead. You had so much but you wasted it. Sure you can get laid at the drop of a hate, have fun going out to drink with your friends, your drugs, and a bit of success with your music… But there’s no guarantee that any of that can replace what we had. Its too bad we can’t even be friends like we were before we started dating… The rose colored glasses are off and I’m not liking what I see. Get out of my life and quit hoping that one day I’ll take you back. News flash, no matter how many sad emails and phone calls you make I’m no longer part of your life in any way and that’s all your fault.
Have a nice life.
A Content Ali
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To My Boys:
I love ya’ll. Thanks for being the best buddies a girl could have. For all the back watching, interrogating, annoying, bossiness, and all the other stuff that seems overprotective big brother, I adore you. Its nice to know you’re loved so well as I am with ya’ll. And its amazing to be accepted no matter who I want to be regardless of the day of the week… You guys have been the constant in my life since we met when I was 13 and you adopted me at the beach that day… You've taught me so much about life that I cant even begin to list it all here.... Thank you for saving me from embarrassment and thanks for all the memories and good times. Sorry for the few times I turn all girly on ya… But I am one ya know… :0)
Love ya!
Alf
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Dear Daddy,
Why did you do it? The doctors told you over and over again you had to quit drinking why didn’t you listen? Was having 3 little girls who looked up to you and depended on you not enough to continue living for? You drank yourself to death and you know it. And I’ve had to watch myself ever since I knew the meaning of the word alcoholic because I’m so much like you its scary. And I won’t even go into the trust issues I have with men because of you. But because of you I also know what kind of man I want to settle down with one day. A man whose strong enough to overcome the bad shit in life without feeling the need to escape it all in a bottle the way you did. A man that can make me laugh through it all and works hard. Thank you too… For the memories and the time you did spend with us. It wasn’t much but it allowed us all to know you somewhat. Thank you for my genes, even though the weight thing of the big boned Germans I could have done without… I’ll always love you but I’ll always be sad you can’t be here now.
Love,
Your Older but Wiser Oldest Daughter

posted by Ali @ 2:32 AM