Not Your Average Jane

Have you ever felt like there was something big just around the next corner but you felt something holding you back, like a flat tire or being stuck in a muddy bog? That’s kinda what I’m feeling right now… Its like there’s a whole world out there and I’m just sort of here watching it. Its like I feel like there’s something huge just around the next corner but fear of the unknown stops me… I don’t like change, I like order (though you wouldn’t think it to look in my car or at home) and structure and schedules… I like knowing where I’m going to be next week or doing next month. I’ve found that’s the best way to control my ADD, by having a structured life… Not strict, I still have plenty of wiggle room for doing fun stuff impulsively, but I like the dependability of having a job and a paycheck and knowing what I’m doing and feeling competent doing it. I haven’t managed to do too many nights since I started working here where I stay up past midnight… I’ve had a handful of days that I have stayed up past midnight… I can seriously count them on one hand. Yeah, that’s kinda interesting, considering what a night person I am. Ok, so there’s the ol’ ADD again, I can’t remember where I was going with that train of thought… Ah, well.
But I was reading Lacy’s blog the other day and she said something that really struck me… She was talking about how she didn’t feel like she was one of the drunk, all over the place concert crowd anymore. And that’s kinda how I’ve felt at the last few shows I’ve been to. Its like the music’s nice and all but I’m not in the front row jamming out anymore… I’m just fine back by the bar, talking or whatever… And I’ve never felt the need to get sloppy drunk, so a drink or 2 will do me for the night and I’m not even buzzed and I’ve usually been hit on more so than if I had been one of the drunken front row chicks…. Strange but I can deal with that… I’ve met some really interesting people that way… Some hotties, some crazies and some just random ass people you’d never think to find in a bar like the Firehouse… Its been more than a little fun… :0)
So my drama from Wednesday… Lordy lordy… That’s resolved itself but I let him off far too easily…. Thursday morning he’s all like we still going out tonight? (After I’d spent much of my morning contemplating hanging him from a ceiling fan by his toenails and other very mean things I could do to him and also trying to think of how to get out of going anywhere with him.) I was like yeah I’m going to the Firehouse… blah blah blah… So he emails me later all like, so if I hadn’t have said anything you wouldn’t hang out with me? Blah blah blah… I told him Firehouse Thursdays were a tradition and he tries to explain to me that while he does have a girlfriend it’s a very recent (as in last weekend they hooked up) development… He’s known her a while, blah blah blah and it just ‘happened’… Yeah ok, sure I can understand that and hes all like I hope you know that means that knows we can still hang out and stuff and be friends, I was just trying to get you to loosen up around me…. (did I mention we spent most of the morning emailing each other?) I told him the me I am at work is TOTALLY different from the me I am not at work… So pretty much by the time he left I’d gotten his phone number and promised to call when I got to the Firehouse.
So get off work, go eat dinner and about 9 head over in that direction… Meet up with Richelle and eventually Adela and Jason show up too… (Chelle’s Jason, not the firefighter Jason that I haven’t talked to in a few weeks.) Richelle called benji and then I did and left a VM… Never did hear from him and I’ve already reprimanded him today…. So it turns out Magee was M.I.A. and there’s some guy named Chad playing… Um, ok… And the longer we sat there and watched him, the better looking he got (must has been the guitar thing). He was ok and Richelle and I got Jackson Taylor CDs for free (we both agree it sucks like a Hoover). So there’s not many people there, none of the regulars except us… Kinda weird but I understand since it was the first night of the cook off…
Speaking of which, I may get to go tonight… Adela’s going to call me later and let me know… It depends on if her firefighter friend has enough passes for me to have one…
So back to the Firehouse Thursday night… So Adela and Jason leave and Richelle and I are thinking about it since we both had to work this morning… I don’t know how it happened but we got adopted into a group of guys… (I think it started with Astros talk) Mostly older and almost all drunk. I figured out that 2 of them are the door guys on weekends… And I also found out Kelly isn’t just the manager of the place but he’s part owner… If the guy I was talking to was correct… So yeah this one guy is trying to do his thing with Richelle and I’m sorta just chilling and watching them (the guys) make fools of themselves… Finally about 12 30 I decide to head out… I’m talking about leaving and the guy (whose name I never found out) is all trying to play with my hands and be all flirty with Richelle standing right there… Yeah that was weird… But he did it so I don’t know if she would have known if I hadn’t have told her afterward.
So I got home at 1 and crashed… Chelle called me to visit on her way home… I barely remember that… I wasn’t sure if I’d dreamed it or not till I talked to her this morning… So yeah now I’m at work and its almost time for lunch… whoo hoo…
Yeah so that’s it… laters.

posted by Ali @ 11:04 AM