Thursday, December 01, 2005

I may be forced to do something I hate having to do. Actually a couple of things… I hate ceremonies of any sort… I also hate feeling as though I have to prove or validate myself by someone else’s standards other than my own or those of my family. I got an email on my school address from the registrar of the school (whom I’ve gotten to know really real thanks to my soap opera like drama of coming back). It says something about a reception for December grads… And that she’d like everyone to RSVP by yesterday at noon… I shrugged it off, since I’m not planning on going cuz I have no family here and I don’t feel like I need to have a celebration for graduating… At least not here where no one I care about is… Once I get home of course I plan to party with my friends all over town till after freaking New Years… And job hunt of course… And start looking for a place of my own… But I don’t feel like I have to prove myself anymore than I already have. By being here and by working my ass off to prove that I want to be here and I want to finish my degree… Anyway back to the email… So I get another one that says it’s a mandatory thing for all December grads… And to RSVP… Wha?? Why would I RSVP if its mandatory? But that aside this email says its been moved from being a reception for grads to a full out walking across a stage, punch and cookies hoop la… WTF?!?! So I emailed Wilma (the registrar) back and asked if I just showed up without walking the stage if that was ok… I’m waiting on an answer to that… I don’t care about going and I really don’t care to put a robe on and make nice with people I never have to see again and I REALLY don’t care about walking a damn stage to satisfy THEIR need to stand on ceremony or whatever other reason they feel it needs to be made mandatory. If they have to make it a mandatory thing, doesn’t that tell them something? PEOPLE DON’T CARE… At least not about their damn pomp and circumstance. So I’m hoping that since I do have to go, that I can just say hi, drink some punch (hopefully not that shitty sherbet stuff) and make a quick get away… If they try to make me put a robe on and walk the stage, I really don’t know what I’ll do… I keep having flashes of almost falling on my face at my high school graduation and theres no way in hell I want a repeat of that… So I’ll admit to a bit of fear of falling part of the reason for not wanting to do it but mostly because I don’t want to or feel the need to participate in a ceremony meant to make me feel as though my life is more complete by receiving my degree (which it is but I want to get on with my life, I’ve been ready to for quite a while) or like there’s closure on this part of my life… I don’t need closure, this whole semester has been closure… At this point my plan is to pack up Wednesday and leave Thursday… But I have to figure out how to get proof that I’ve graduated (ie my grades from professors) for mom… Very elementary but very needed after the rigmarole of getting my grades last time… anyway that rant is over… on to other things…So I saw that movie 3 the other day… About Dale Earnhardt… And I realized a couple of things… I didn’t think I’d ever really heard about NASCAR until he died but in truth, I grew up hearing about him and Mario Andretti and comparing the way people drove to Andretti… Kinda cool I thought, especially since I’m from a city without much in the way of car racing… And the kid they got to play Dale Jr looks amazingly like him (red/blond hair and blue eyes) and sounds amazingly like him… Turns out he was a racer too that Barry Pepper had found at a racing school he’d trained at… That was kind of cool… I felt bad for Earnhardt Sr though most of the movie… His dad was a tough guy, which made him a tough guy and made me feel bad for his kids… I was amazed that they even got the kind of music that Jr likes in there… (just one scene but that’s one of those things I notice…) I was like crying at the end… And I don’t do that a lot… anyway so I’m feeling a bit stressed at the moment… I have almost everything due by next Wednesday… My unit on Space, my 15 hours of observation (which I’m going to try to turn in on Friday instead since I still won’t be done), and whatever other stuff Dr Betty wants to assign for functional assessment and the notebook for the semester… So much to do… I’m pretty much spending the weekend working on all of it and my birthday too… Since it is the day before Wednesday (wink wink nudge nudge) and all… so yeah I think this is long enough and I have to go do some work… laters…

posted by Ali @ 3:38 PM

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