Not Your Average Jane: 11/01/2005

Monday, November 28, 2005

Ever had a lil voice in your head telling you that you can do, when you’re not sure you can go on or even want to try to do it in the first place? Its amazing to me that that lil voice in my head sounds a lot like a certain ex Marine, that I wanted to hook up with last summer… Its weird cuz we knew each other really casually (pretty much through Wade) so why is it HIS voice I hear? Like all semester long he’s been like a lil bird on my shoulder, telling me I can do it and I can do it well…. That things will be ok, when I’m not so sure myself… If I was a suspicious person I may think it means something… Heck maybe it does, I don’t know… All I know is that when I was scared out of my head last night driving that last 20 miles in pouring down rain, his voice was the one I heard kind of coaching me through, sort of like a guardian angel… Who knows if I’ll ever see him again, but I can’t even begin to express my gratefulness (if its not a real word it is now…) for his influence and motivation… Strange how someone you know briefly can have such an impact on you… When I first met him I didn’t think beyond the hooking up with him…. Let alone that he would be like my conscience/guardian angel… Weird but sort of cool… If I ever do see him again I may have to thank him for that… He’ll probably think I’m insane but most everyone does and I’m still alive… Then I’ll proposition him…. :0)
So I got back to Arkansas last night… I left Houston at like 645 in the morning… Made a million lil stops to try to stay awake and alert… About 20 or 30 miles away (outside Russellville) it starts raining… Just a lil at first… Then its pouring… All the way back… Sometimes I couldn’t even see the road but I fought through my fear and I did it dammit. I got back to Clarksvegas about 5…
I was mostly unpacked and in bed shortly after 11…. Only the 2nd time I’ve done that in a week (shocking I know…). Went to class this morning and Walmart this afternoon to get some basics… Including the stuff for Christmas cookies and my Christmas Kisses… I also realized I forgot to write about my Friday… Not much happened but it was sort of my birthday/going away (since I was supposed to leave Saturday though I didn’t because of the rain) day so I figured what the heck… So Mom woke me up at 9 and tried to convince me to go to the resale shop with her, I declined since I hadn’t showered yet… So I got up and she left… I got ready and she came home and we went out to lunch at Pei Wei… She went to Half Price with me and I got 20 dollars for a bunch of books… Then I dropped her off and she gave me 100 dollars for my birthday… I went to Cactus and I could only find 2 CDs I wanted (shocking I know) Ray Lamontagne and the new Honeybrowne…. Both are pretty darn good… Then I went to Borders and got some books and a couple of my Lindt chocolates… I got home and Mom and John took me out to eat at the Pappas Seafood House… We declared it my unofficial going away restaurant since we went there before I went back to school in August too… We got back to the house about 9 and visited…. John left and mom went to bed about 10… I made it till about 11 and then crashed till my alarm went off at 5 am… I’m just too exciting for words I tell ya… :0) Anyway Oprah’s on… Laters…

Saturday, November 26, 2005

I didn't leave today the way I had planned.... I woke up and it was raining... I stayed up and got ready to go and checked the weather channel.... by then it was pouring down... and according to the weather channel it was pouring and would continue to do so all up in east Texas and Arkansas where I needed to be driving.... All damn day long. So I went back to bed instead.... Not before glancing outside and seeing that I couldn't see past the American building down the street... Crazy mad hard rain.... Especially considering how close that building is and how big it is.... Yeah I felt a lot better about my choice then.... Then I woke up just before noon.... Talked on the phone a bit, ate a snack, and then watched some TV and worked on my take home.... Then I met B at la madeleine and he treated me to a late lunch... I heart that boy mucho.... anywho so I came home and worked on my take home a bit more... Mom got home and we visited... I ran some errands.... Remembered theres a formal dance next weekend and got my dress out.... visited with mom some more.... read for a bit.... ate my left overs from la madeleine.... visited with mom... john came over and we all visited before they went out.... shortly after nate and sean came over and we all went to starbucks... I've missed that place.... and all the interesting chats I've had there.... We all came back here afterwards and started watching SNL.... We're so exciting I know.... Anyway after some tears (mine) they left and now here I be... Mom gave me money before she left and an extra alarm clock to help me get up in the morning since shes staying at Johns tonight.... yeah so I'm gonna finish snl I think and go to bed.... I set my cell alarms (all 3 of em) for 5 30, and 5 50... my clock radio is set for 5 40 and the alarm mom gave me is set for 6 when I want to be out of bed and getting ready.... I want to be on the road at 7..... and hopefully I'll be back in Arkansas at 5.... Its supposed to be warm and windy all the way there, with a scattered shower possible late in the afternoon.... So I should be good to go as far as weather goes....
Its weird I'm like already homesick and I haven't even left yet... I didn't get to do everything I wanted to do, stuff I haven't done in 3 monthes so that may be part of it.... Who knows.... Most of my stuff is in the car and I'm ready to go as much as I can be tonight.... yeah so back to SNL.... laters....

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Today so didn't turn out like I thought it would... Sure we were ready and left at 1 like we planned... Got there, welcomed and got the tour... Said hello to everyone... So far, nothing too unexpected... Then Linz and I proceeded to pretty much become a unit... Where I went, she went and vice versa... We didn't so much isolate ourselves or feel unwelcome its just we didn't think that we should have been there... We both wanted to do our own thanksgiving... we didn't mind visiting with the tilleys and seeing the new place... we hadn't seen the whole family in like a year... and we've never seen the new place... but when we sat down to eat, first of all it was buffet style, ok, no big deal... And I appreciate the effort that went into it... Its just not what we traditionally have at OUR Thanksgiving dinner.. And the TV MUST be turned off, so we can visit and stuff.... No prayer was said before the meal, no one said what they were thankful for... Again, both of which we do at our thanksgiving... So while it was fun for the most part, it still didn't feel like thanksgiving without those things.... Its like if I don't have turkey with cranberry sauce on it, Stoffer's dressing, pumpkin pie (that I made - its best that way), and lumpy garlic mashed potatoes and some salad and yeast rolls from Hartz, a prayer and a public affirmation of what I'm grateful for, its not really thanksgiving... So we came home about 4 and pretty much have just chilled since then... Linz talked to La and just left to meet Ken a few minutes ago... I want to do something but theres nothing open... Which sucks... So instead I'm going to use an idea I got from some other blogs... and maybe it will make the day seem less surreal... Things that I am thankful for:
- my family (they may drive me nuts but I love em and they're all mine...)
- my health
- music
- having the time, and money in order to finish my degree
- having good friends that want to see me and I know love me no matter how little we get to hang out....
- knowing that if all else fails and I need a place to lay low, I always have a place to fall into...
- men.... they may drive me nuts occasionally, but I love em...
- dogs and the love and memories they give us...
- old movies on TV (Big's on We and the old version of Yours Mine Ours is on too...)
- my car...
- having no more credit card debt
- a comfy bed
- food and shelter when there are so many people who have none.....
- kids... they always seem to make me smile...
- cell phones and the internet... if I didn't have those I'd go nuts....
- Dr Pepper, if I didn't have it I'd go nuts....
- Starbucks
- IHOP and their Belgian waffles with strawberries on top
- the Firehouse Saloon door guys for walking me to my car late at night if I'm alone....
- the turkey that gave its life so that I might eat today....
- understanding professors who give you an extra day or 2 to complete an assignment....
- the people in the military
- red hair dye....
- Apple for inventing the IPOD
- whoever decided to turn RENT into a movie....
- JK Rowlings, for giving me a way to remain a kid at heart and escape from my life at the same time...
- Christmas and that its so close...
- the ability to daydream
- to be not working at Dillards anymore
- the lessons that my ex taught me
- my mom doesn't think I'm a lesbian (and yes she did till I was almost 20 years old when she accidently met a guy I'd dated)
- baseball
- Burts Bee's Wax
Thats slightly better.... I have some other ones but they seem to focus on food for some reason... Ah well... I'm not even really hungry.... :0) Ok, back to watching Big... Laters.

So I'm home again... First time in 3 monthes.... Actually first time in like 3 monthes and 3 days... Only if you want to get technical... But only then... :0) Macy's Thanksgiving Day period is still on... I thought all the parades were over by 11 at the latest, but hey what do I know? Anyway seems like everyone wants to see me while I'm in town... I knew I was loved but this just kinda proves it... :0) Too bad I won't get to see many people while I'm here... My mom is like monopolizing my time... Which wasn't too bad yesterday, but we're spending today together too and when I told what I was doing tommorrow, she wants to do that with me too.... Ugh... I love her and I understand she's missed me, I've missed her too, but there's only so much together time I can take... Thank God for Linz and the guys... Mom and I ran errands together yesterday, had the big serious where are you going and what are you doing talk before we left, and saw the new Harry Potter... It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great... They left a lot of stuff out, like Doby... Then we went to the grocery store and Linz met us at the house and we went to Prontos (Vincent's version of Cafe Express but with italian food - not bad at all and fast....)... Came home and Linz and I watched most of Spanglish before she left to go hang out with Ken and Lovely... Then I got a call that I was about to be kidnapped... And I was... Till like 2 am (since we all had to be up early this morning- them earlier than me)... We just chilled at B's, had a couple of drinks and talked... Good times... Got home and went to bed... Woke up and ate breakfast, visited with mom some more... She's already inquired about my single status and what I intend to do about it... and my horoscope doesn't seem to bode well for the rest of the day.... Check it out: If you're about to experience some family time, be warned that even your friends could drive you nuts right now. Get ready for questions about your love life -- and be polite but firm about your boundaries... Yeah.... We leave for the Tilleys at 1... Wonder how long it'll take them to wonder about my love life? I know they'll ask about future plans, but aside from the flippant get a job and a place to live I got nothing... Not nothing exactly.... I'd like to teach but don't know if I'll be able to get into the program... I appreciate the concern and I know they do it out of love but it annoys me to no end.... anyway... So I want to go the half price and cactus tommorrow and maybe out to lunch and mom wants to do all that with me... as well as go out to dinner with me too tommorrow night.... I just want some me time to run my errands and maybe see if any of my other friends want to do lunch... I'll be back in town and living with her in 3 weeks and she'll be sick of me after that.... So yeah, I guess I'll just try to grin and bear it.... I leave Saturday, if I don't get my stuff done, it can just wait I guess, but I really wanted to go to half price and cactus... ugh.... I'm not going to any shows this week, one cuz I can't afford to, but I really need a few hours just to cut loose and act crazy, I'm feeling a wee bit claustraphobic.... dammit... Anyway I'm goin to go finish getting ready.... Happy Thanksgiving yall... Laters.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Keeping in mind this pic of Dale Jr is my desktop picture.... A girl asked me if the guy on my desktop pic was my boyfriend.... Of course I laughed.... I was like no it'd be nice but he's a NASCAR driver... She was like I need to start watching NASCAR I think.... We both laughed...
I told her if she wanted to start the last race was Sunday afternoon... So I may have unwittingly created a NASCAR fan... And its all Dale Jr's fault.... Or something.... :0)
In other news.... I started packing my stuff tonight.... I made a list of stuff I want to take home with me and leave there so I can make moving back in December easier.... And almost finished packing everything I am going to take home with me... Except the clothes and stuff I'm going need while I'm there.... I started out I was just gonna pack a few things.... Next thing I know my entire list of stuff to take home is taken care of.... Rather impressive I thought... Frees up a lot of my Monday so I MAY be able to see the 7 oclock Harry Potter Monday night.... We'll see...
Another small miracle occured Saturday afternoon... I actually put in a good 2 hours of studying... I was shocked but it needed to be done.... I have a test on Monday morning that's my final in that class, so I've got to be ultra prepared... This is one of the more difficult professors I've ever had so I'm spending most of the day studying and probably a lot of the night doing the same.... ugh... But I'm almost done... 2 and half weeks after I get back from Thanksgiving break (I'm going to come back on Saturday to avoid traffic on Sunday) I get to go back home... So I don't know since my birthday is the week before I come home if we're gonna celebrate after I get home in December or this week.... We'll see.... This semester I have my easiest finals week.... A take home test due Wednesday by 4:30 pm, that I'll have a week to work on... And the Monday of finals week I only have to show up at the appointed time for Dr Betty's class since the Final is this Monday... And as she said, eat, drink and make merry... Though her definition of that and mine are prolly COMPLETELY different.... For some reason most of my definition is based around alcohol.... ;0)
Shoot even if we do brunch I expect mimosas... Champagne is alcohol and mix it with orange juice and serve it at brunch.... And I'm a happy girl....
anywho... I think it may be getting close to bed time... I had 2 dd's tonight... one from Nicole and Jeremy and I think they were both at Stoney.... That was awesome... I didn't go see Bleu since I'm trying to save money and I thought I would study tonight... I got stuck in traffic for like 45 minutes coming back from Subway... There was an accident like half a block a head and the idiots didn't pull off the road and when the cops showed up, they wouldn't direct traffic around it... and it just pissed me off to no end.... I hate stupid drivers... I especially hate them when they force me to sit around in my car doing nothing for long periods of time.... I had Garth and I talked to a couple of friends but otherwise I just lamented my poor fortune in wanting a sub and a sweet tea.... Speaking of Garth I think I have a new saying after the CMAs last week.... "Just Ledoux it!" It just sounds cool.... anyway I really think I'm going to bed now... laters.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

So I woke up to lots of yelling and slamming doors this morning.... On the heels of a very weird dream I'd have liked to have known how it ended.... And then I realized how garbled my entry last night may have sounded... And I wasn't drunk... So yeah... I think I'll just add some more stuff and redo it... Sans pictures, sadly... If you want to see em just scroll down, those are some of my fave pictures I've seen of him...
Anyway, so when I woke up (around noon ish) it was because there were a bunch of doors slamming down the hall... Turns out Jon the Jew saw Annie naked and she was mortified and then Jon tried to even things up by getting naked in the hall but that didn't work... I was shocked Jon got embarrassed by being naked in public.... He's the one that stripped for money a few weeks ago and he's a theater major.... Anyway it was memorable and I woke up chuckling instead of as irate as I may have been otherwise....
But the dream I was having before I heard all that was really odd.... I can honestly say I don't remember having a dream like it before... So I was sitting with my mom and sisters waiting for a table at some restaurant.... Totally normal so far right? Anyway so I see this cowboy sitting at a table by the bar and we're giving each other the eye.... Still fairly normal.... When La leans over and tells me "that's Vince.... blah blah (I didn't hear his last name)... He graduated with me..." For those that don't know La graduated from Memorial High School in 2000, which would make him 3 years younger than me.... Not a big deal to me, but later it would turn out to be a very big deal to La.... Hence the weirdness of the dream... So later (we're still waiting for a table-either a very good restaurant or very bad service...) I'm like I have to go to the bathroom... La's like its right over there I'll show you... I was like ok and I followed her up some stairs (for some reason I remember they were carpeted and had stripes)... We kept walking up like 3 or 4 flights of stairs... We passes a bathroom, a locked room full of portraits in gold gilded frames and a painted of an African man in full tribal dress.... We pass that last painting and I start getting suspious and ask her if she's sure she knows where she's going... She's like yeah a lil further.... I'm like nah, I think I'll just use that one we passed earlier... She grabs me by the arms and says something like no, we have to keep going... That kinda freaks me out so I backed away slowly and start going down the stairs... She comes after me and pushes a lil button on the railing.... That makes the stairs go from being stairs to being a flat downward surface there's no way to walk on... Like in a fun house or something.... So I start sliding down the stairs..... And then I woke up.... Yeah strange..... I don't think it was anything subconsciously against her or anything cuz I'm not mad at her for anything.... Its just a very odd dream I had....
As for my entry last night before I went to bed... The gist of all that rambling was that he's a pretty man I'd soo do if given the chance but realistically I know I haven't got a shot.... He's just pretty to look at is all.... No harm in that.... There are a zillion guys like that... The unattainables like Paul Walker, George Clooney (in more ways than one), Pat Green (again in more ways than one), Anderson Cooper, The Malloy brothers, Jack Johnson.... I just enjoy staring at them and enjoying what they do without expectation that someday somehow I'll get my shot at em... Its not gonna happen and I know that... So yeah that was my point that I don't think I made very well last night.... I also forgot to mention I saw Walk the Line and I LOVED it.... It was funny, it was sad, it showed to an extent (you can never really know what happened unless you're there and thats not gonna happen) how Johnny Cash lived and loved.... It was awesome... Go see it.... I'm gonna go shower and stuff.... I need to start studying for that test on Monday too... Laters....

God, Dale Jr's a Hottie....
And if you deny it you're either gay or blind.... Boo yah.... So yeah here's a wee bit of a tribute to my favorite NASCAR driver.... I was reading somewhere about girls that cared about who he was dating and I laughed... I don't care about who he's dating (that doesn't affect me in the least since my crush on him is based in nonreality and lack of local hotties but in my fantasy he's single... (in other words his marital status doesn't bother me in the least... Its my damn fantasy (and everyone knows fantasy are about as far from fact as you can get after all) leave me alone...)So sue me if I'm wrong... Gotta warn you though I only have like $100 dollars left in my bank account and $6 in my pocket... Least till the end of the month... Reminds me I need an oil change... dammit.), but given the oppurtunity, you can bet I'd hit it.... The blue eyes and red hair are my weakness.... And a weird conciedence (sp?) most every guy I've dated has had one of 3 things... or a combo... Blue eyes, red (strawberry blondish/red/auburn) hair, and facial hair.... Is it any wonder I think he's a hottie? But yeah enjoy the pics.... My semi collage of Mr Dale Earnhardt Jr.... Laters....

Friday, November 18, 2005

So I DIDN'T kill off Jeff Gordon....
I think I’m becoming a NASCAR fan…. Shocking… And its not just for the hot boys either… (though there are quite a few) but when the guy says gentlemen start your engines and the motors rev as they start…. That particular sound is why I watch I think… And the speed factor…. Going over a 100 for me is just awe inspiring… I’ve hit 100 once and it scared the crap out of me… But I loved it… That’s what I’m thinking makes the drivers want to go back and do it again and again… Challenging yourself to do something that scares ya a lil but gives you the greatest thrill ever… But that just might be me… And if I do become a full fledged NASCAR – head (is that what they’re called? I have no idea…) I definitely won’t be one of those crazy redneck beer drinking hill billy that doesn’t bathe and has a beer gut… Sorry, that’s just the way I grew up thinking of NASCAR…. Now something like the NHRA…. That I’ve been a fan of for a while…. So it was probably just a matter of time till I got here…
Right now I’m at the point I could probably pass a NASCAR driver in the street and not recognize em… Except Jr… (who will be my official driver should I come out of the closet as a NASCAR fan…) And maybe Jamie McMurry… And Jeff Gordon of course… Perhaps Tony Stewart….
Speaking of Jeff… I didn’t kill him off like I thought I might… I didn’t touch the story again after I blogged or today…. Quite shocking really… But when I do, I’m not going to kill him… That just wouldn’t be nice… And Lord knows I’m a nice person… I’m just going to injure him horribly…. That’s just sooo much better…. :0) Note to everyone, don’t ever annoy me, I’ll take poetic justice to a new extreme…. Or as I heard someone say once (really accurate aren’t I?) you will live forever in writing… Some people I like do it to too… But usually in a very nice way…. But those I don’t… Yeah… Sorry, bucko, your ass is grass and I’m a lawnmower…Back to Jr though for a sec… Funny thing I realized today… I’m doing a bit more research than is needed but I’m enjoying it so its all good… Better too much than too little (another thing that irritated the crap out of me in those fan fics I was reading on the web)… But the funny thing is… (I know its not realistic in the least but we’re talking about my fantasy here dammit…) if I ever did date (or one day marry him) I’d probably kill him or vice versa… Not for being away from home so much and never seeing him, heck the more you’re away the better in my relationships… I’m like the anti cling girlfriend, people didn’t even know I’ve dated half the guys ive dated cuz we never acted like we were ‘together’…. But conservative Republican who supports Bush, versus me… the fairly liberal Democrat who likes to laugh at Bush but supports the troops… Yeah it’d be like world war 3 in that house… Plus his attitude about the man wearing the pants in the family… I agree to an extent… BUT if he says anything about being barefoot and preggers and staying at home all the time, I’m disowning him as my driver and semi crush… Sorry, Jr., but I don’t do chauvinists…. My momma raised me to be my own woman… Who has a job and is able to work, take care of the kids and get a maid to help clean… There ya go my ideal life… I hate housework… Esp. vacuuming… I’ll do it but I realllly don’t like it…. But if I had the chance at a one nighter with him? I probably wouldn’t turn it down…. I’m sooo damn bad I know…. and speaking of me... (and why wouldn't we? ;0) ) Here's a link to an article Lainey mentioned... It explains alot about how and why I date... Shocking... http://journalism.utexas.edu/orange/fall04articles/keller.htm It makes some damn good points... I'm the child of a divorce but I've seen enough marriages work to know that they can, but that they require a lot of work... I may be one of the few that still think that way since I don't think the article mentioned that possibility... Anyway I’m goin to bed… laters.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

I'm about to kill Jeff Gordon....
Not really but in the story I'm writing.... Someone asked me about what I was writing… Which prompted this entry. So I tried to explain its sort of a short story and kind of my stab at writing a romance novel… At the moment though its actually more of a fan fic… Though unlike typical fan fics, I’m not the lead character…. And I’m about to kill off the only person who can annoy me just by being… alive, him, the way he talks… pick one but I just don’t like him. His name? Jeff Gordon… And the fan fic? About Dale Earnhardt Jr for some reason… I just got this brilliant idea the other day to write a story about him, so I went with it… I sort of read a couple of Jr Fan Fics before I really started writing and they just pissed me off with their bad grammar, and the characters that act more like teeny boppers (and everyone knows how much I love THEM... *insert eyeroll*)…. So far its like 35 pages long… Double spaced of course, but that’s how much I’ve written since Sunday night…
I don’t know why its all about NASCAR, since I don’t really watch it or see the point in it… But Jr’s a hottie and I’m all for writing about hotties…. :0) Though actually I am beginning to understand NASCAR better… Sorta… If I understand correctly, its more about stamina, endurance and seeing whose the best at those… Doing all those laps (think Doug Moreland's NASCAR song, "You take a left, and a left, and a left...") seems pointless to me seems a bit of an overkill if you just want to see whose faster, but for stamina and endurance I don't think there's a better way to test those than in a car that can get up to 110 degrees, going 200 miles an hour around an oval against 42 other guys trying just as hard as you to win... Correct me if I’m wrong there, but that’s just how I understood my conversation with B whose actually a closet NASCAR fanatic…. And I never knew…. Wow… You really do learn something new every day…
Also I was amazed when I was researching him on the internet how many girls (maybe a few guys for all i know too...) want to know who hes dating and stuff... I'm like wtf? Its not like they realistically have a shot with him... Aside from the celebrity thing, who really wants to date a guy they never get to see? His accent's cute and all but he uses the word ain't a lot... There's no quicker way to annoy me than use that word... Its like cursing in front of lil kids or old people, you don't do it.... I know I do it on occasion, but thats usually to annoy my mother or cracking a joke... But he does have that adorable aw shucks expression.... So I'll think about forgiving him... And he does have decent taste in music... Which always makes me happy... :0)
And I haven’t really neglected anything else in my life to do write… Sure I secluded myself a day or 2 but that’s over… And yeah I should be getting more hours over at Westside right now but I have all of the week after thanksgiving to finish up those hours… And I spent something like 2 hours over in the ed lab working on my unit on space… A good start for sure… Especially since its due the week of my birthday… I also have a take home due the week after thanksgiving and a test Monday in behavior management. A test that was just going to be a test but is now our final exam (we’re just going to meet on finals day and party) and sure we’ll learn more before finals week but this is the last test…. Talk about being stressed…. I also need to refill my prescription and get an oil change before I leave on Tuesday… And I definitely won’t be going to any shows this weekend and unless I get birthday cash while I’m home either…. I may be able to swing seeing Walk the Line or Harry Potter 4 though… If either plays here in town that is… We’ll see on that one…
Got my Pottery Barn catalog today as well as the old crow medicine show and adam hood cds I ordered… Pott Barn is too damn expensive to do too much of my future apartment with so I’ll probably wind up at IKEA or something… Though mom did suggest trying the outlet center in San Marcos before deciding… Smart woman my mom…
Aight back to work…. Laters…

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

My best friend is preggers and I found out from my sister… Wow… I didn’t even know she was trying to get pregnant till my sister told me… Then my mom told me she’d tried 3 home test kits that were all positive but she had made a dr’s appointment to confirm it… Now the fact that our families go way back is one thing but the fact that I learned this from my family instead of her I think really says a lot about our relationship… We don’t talk very often but when we do its never really about anything but catching up for the most part and attempting to make plans to get together (which we haven’t managed to do in like a year…). I found out her grandmother had died from my sister too… Her grandmother who was more of a grandmother to me than my own… The fact that my sister and hers are tighter than 2 peas in a pod while we seem to have drifted apart really bothers me and I don’t know how to fix it… We’re spending thanksgiving together so maybe I can work on that…
I finally told mom about dropping that class… I mentioned that I had an f in there when I talked to her Saturday and talked about going to see Wilma about it Monday… Then I called her Monday to tell her it had been dropped but I was okay to graduate and continue living in the dorms for the rest of the semester… She didn’t seem as upset as I thought she may be… I know that wasn’t the best way to do that but its done now and there’s nothing to be done about it…
I’ve sort of secluded myself the last few days other than going to class yesterday and Walmart last night… But I’ve been on a writing spree and it just keeps flowing so much that I just don’t want to stop…
Also its damn cold here… Again. Dammit. I braved the cold to go to the cafeteria and check my mail though… I had bbq pizza for the first time, even though it was cafeteria food it wasn’t bad… And I have been in the mood for BBQ lately… I got it… Just not the way I expected to…
I’ve also been starting to stress about what all to pack when I go home next week… ONE MORE WEEK!!!!! And I looked at my budget for the rest of the month and going to any shows while I’m home (even BEB this weekend) may not be possible… Sad, but I can live with it… I get to go home and I think that’s enough for me… That’s about it for now… My story’s calling my name again… laters…

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

So I’ve officially dropped British Lit…. It was very strange… Almost surreal and a lil uncomfortable since I ran into the professor when I was getting the slip turned in… Yeah, sorry, Doc, I’m dropping your class because you murdered my paper and every thing I write and say to you… Hasta la luego… Or something… Thank God I go home in two weeks… Oh yeah, did I mention I GET TO GO HOME IN TWO WEEKS?!?!?!?! :0) I’m not at all excited…. AT ALL… Two weeks from right now I’ll be sitting in the living room of the town house talking to my mom… Two weeks from now I have to do that hellish drive… Two weeks from now I’ll be getting ready to see Bleu Edmondson for the 2nd time in a week (I haven’t done that in a very long time… For any artist…)… Two weeks from tomorrow I’ll see him for the 2nd time… Two weeks from Wednesday Rent comes out and I get to see my boys again (unless I see em two weeks from tonight after mom goes to bed)… Two weeks from Thursday I get to see my best friend and her family whom I haven’t seen since like May (even though we lived in the same damn town May-August). I’m thinking about everything I need to pack and do before then… Mostly what I have to do is school related… But then there’s the packing… I’m going to try to take like a fourth of my stuff, the stuff I don’t use very often, and the summery stuff home so that there’s not so much to pack after finals are over…
So I've been thinking... (screw the transitional sentences this it my blog... :0) ) I ordered the pottery barn catalog (like I haven't looked at those enough right?) and decorating my own apartment seems more a reality now then it ever did before... It feels a lil overwhelming, sort of a challenge and a tad scary but like also a hell of a lot of fun... Getting things just the way I like them, maybe with a lil input from mom or my sisters on what looks good and what doesn't but its a place that will be only mine... And thats an awesome thought... I don't think I've ever had a place that was just mine... My room at mom's is technically hers... My room in the dorm is the school's... The only place I can really go thats mine is my car... And you can only take so many roadtrips... And here there aren't many places to road trip to... But yeah a place all my own is gonna rock...
In other news... I've given up on dating a guy up here... And with only 6 weeks or so left too... They're just too young, too taken, and too immature.... And they mostly see me as an older sister type... So yeah no more boys up here I think....
I have to go work a paper thats due tommorrow now.... laters....

Monday, November 07, 2005

Whoa I'm actually tired.... Shocking since I slept till like dinner time.... But then there were things that contributed to that.... But needless to say I didn't think I'd be this tired this soon.... Ah well... I'll post and maybe go to bed....
So this weekend's been rather uneventful.... Friday, no class since Dr B wasn't here and I'm dropping British lit.... Friday night just hung out and watched Batman Begins with Rose and them... Dropped Trey and Jon off at a party and then Phil, Rose and I went to Walmart.... We came back to the dorm and Rose and I did our hair red.... Different shades, but both of which suit us.... Saturday, I didn't really do much... Just slept late, ate, watched some movies.... I talked to mom too but I didn't mention the whole dropping British lit thing... She was driving to the Woodlands to have a girls night with Aunt Diane and Lavonna... I didn't want to potentially upset her while she was driving or even potentially mess up her evening out with friends she doesn't get to see very often... And I chickened out too... Mainly I just chickened out.... So I'm dropping the class tommorrow..errr... later today since Tuesday's the last day to drop.... Then I'll call and let her know... I think she'll be upset I didn't talk to her before hand but I'm fairly certain she'll understand the whys and whatfors... And all that jazz..... She also brought up Christmas and what I might want/need for Christmas and my birthday.... All I can think of right now is CDs but then she reminded me I need stuff for when I get an apartment and to start making a list... I have a lot of stuff like the bed, a desk/chair and book shelves (connected to the desk)... I also have some silverware and plates but I could use more of those as well as baking/cooking stuff... And a couch and maybe a big comfy chair and a bedside table and a coffee table and/or some sort of end table and maybe a tv stand with some sort of movie storage..... and I may also need some sort of dining room table and chair set.... and decorations of course.... I think that would give me a good start on a decent apartment set up if not completely do it.... I don't require a lot to live..... Cable and internet I'll get set up on my own later.... Hopefully I get a place with a washer/dryer, I'm not opposed to a laundrymat it would just be more convienent... And later I'll look into getting a pet.... I don't know how much later but I am going to get one.... Hopefully a dog... But first getting out of college.... Its really starting to feel like my life is starting to happen... And its a very good feeling... Sure its a bit scary but good... I still need to find a job and stuff once I get home but right after Christmas, maybe just after New Years the job hunt can begin in earnest... I'm still trying to do stuff online as much as possible before finals but theres only so much you can do from 500 miles away....
Anyway back to Saturday night..... I wound up watching Annie and the Brians playing pool for a bit... Came back and watched another movie.... After the movie is when my life got interesting... I went out on the front porch for a pre bed time cigerette and Joe and one of the Brian's were out there... Keep in mind this is the Brian I hadn't ever met before Saturday night as you read the rest of this.... Somehow the conversation turns to where he's sleeping and somehow he ends up sleeping with me... Sleeping, no sex.... I don't think I would have anyway once he told me he was into the whole ultimate fighting thing (nothing wrong with it at all but he physically didnt look the type that wouldn't get his ass royally kicked in the ring -which is how he wants to make his living.... umm ok...).... Though he did make sure I was totally cool with him sleeping with me which I appreciate since I dont usually do that sort of thing with random guys.... I don't do casual sex either, coincedence? I think not. Anyway, it was one of those nights where you stay up talking even when you're supposed to be sleeping (think lil girls slumber parties but co ed).... It was fun.... Even though he was a bed hog and didn't want to sleep with the sheets on.... I can deal.... Anyway he left about noon and I thought I was gonna get up too but I made my bed up and then fell asleep till almost 5.... Got up, showered, ate and went to Walmart.... Came back to the dorm and unpacked.... Went to smoker's circle and here I be.... :0) I now can't complain about lack of a cuddle buddy.... If he comes back before I go home I may even do it again.... I've also been told I'm not allowed to complain about no cuddle buddies up here anymore... Thanks Sean... :0)
And now that doing this is out of the way I think I'm going to bed.... laters....

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

So yesterday I woke up stressing about all the things I needed to do... And then I knocked most of them out yesterday.... I felt a lil more like a responsible adult..... Paid bills and did other stuff I needed to do.... Which included talking to Wilma about British lit.... After 2 days of investigating I've found I have an F (he massacred the paper I wrote and I haven't passed his pop quizzes - turns out I've underestimated those.... my mistake), theres no way I can pull it up to a C, I can drop the class and still live in the dorms for the rest of the semester since I only really need the 2 classes I have.... 6 hours.... with C's or better to graduate... I have B's in both currently.... I haven't officially dropped the class but the last day to do that is the 8th so I need to get on that.... Now how am I gonna break it to mom?
Probably exactly like that.... I don't need the class and only took it to live in the dorm, get upper level hours and hopefully bring my GPA up... If I kept it, I would get at best a D, bring down my GPA and not graduate.... If I drop if my GPA won't suffer, I'll still graduate and I'll continue to live in the dorms... Now being a somewhat sane and rational person, I realized dropping it is for the best and hopefully she will realize the same thing without freaking out the way she tends to do occasionally.... So I'll call her and talk to her about it tommorrow night and the Friday start the process of dropping it, Dr B won't be here Friday so I probably won't be able to finish dropping it till Monday.... But its better to give her the heads up than to do it and have her be MORE pissed than she might be.... So yeah I'm going out to Westside Elementary tommorrow for a couple of hours and then dinner and calling mom.... I'm so stressing about that but I'll do it and get it over with and take care of dropping it and things will get better..... Cuz I'll only have my 2 classes (both of which take up a lot of time studying, being in the schools, doing projects, its all very time consuming stuff...) and I'll ace them.... Hopefully pull off both A's, cuz other than that F this has been my best midterm EVER and I seriously believe I can get A's in both my classes... It might be difficult but even if I get a high B I'll be more than happy but I'll be freaking exstatic with A's... I don't know if Mom's deal will hold for just 2 classes instead of 3 but I will have gotten good grades and worked hard for them, and graduated.... I'm damn proud of me and she should be too.... Dammit.
I feel bad for springing this on her when she sent me a Halloween card with $20's in it.... I was totally surprised and happy to get that.... I should have kept it for an emergency but in classic me fashion, its gone the way of the doo-doo... Is that how its spelled? I don't know.... The birds.... kinda crazy looking that are extinct now.... ah well... I'm going to get a snack.... laters.

Not Your Average Jane