Even though I know he reads this I'm going to write about him anyway... Just cuz I have to work whatever this is out.... And I do that best by writing... Since I don't really keep a private journal since I discovered the blog... Here is be...
I got a call from B today... Evidently he read my things about the ex... And what I'd said about him... Even though I never named him, he was there at the time so he knows whats going on... He was rather panicked
or at least thats how he sounded to me. I could be wrong I admit it but he sounded worried. Not just about me either, I can't put my finger on what exactly he could be worried about... First thing out of his mouth was... So are you sure you're over him? Immediately I tease him as I tend to do.... But he was persistent so finally I told him the truth. Yes I'm over him. Have been for a while. I thought B knew that. Turns out he's still in a little bit of doubt about that.... And here I thought I had made myself perfectly clear... No more of his shit will I take. Even if he came back to me begging on hands and knees, bags of gold, chocolate on his back and pulling a wagonfull of baseball players I wouldn't get back together with him.... I don't know if I used that precise comparison but it was close. It was also true. Still is. He's proven over and over he's not worthy of me or my trust. What's that old saying... Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me? Yeah, there will be no strike three for this boy... He's out on the 2nd strike... We're changing the rules of my metaphorical baseball game.... :) Anyway, I got the feeling B's trying to start something... With me. Again. And I have no idea what it is or what to do or what to think even... Its all so darn vexing.... He's good looking, certainly enough... That's kind of a big fat DUH... He's one of my best friends and he actually understands what goes on in my mind.... There's a shocker for ya.... And there is chemistry... Amazing chemistry.... But would I ever pursue anything other than friendship with him? He's told me time and again he's in love with me.... And I admit that frightens me.... Cuz I like him.... I respect him... I admire him.... I love him.... He's one of my nearest and dearest..... But IN love with him? I don't know. Do I want to find out? This may sound harsh and perhaps it is... But I don't think I want to... I have so much crap because of school to deal with and I've never been fully independent, do I really want to attempt a relationship with someone at this time? Sure it'd be nice to have a nice steady Friday date... But I know he could never be happy with just being a steady date, he'd want and deserve more... But I don't know that I can give that to him.... And I was talking to Nate about this earlier and he pointed out the fact love is never convenient.... Big help there, thanks, Nateypoo.... *insert massive eyeroll* So yeah, I really haven't figured out jack shit. ah well... its sorta helped to write about it.... laters...
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