Saturday, June 11, 2005

And tonight started out so promising... I wonder if its possible to go back and just erase the whole last 6 or so hours from my life.... But alas thats not gonna happen... I can't believe I was so fooled, again... I guess the only good thing I can say is that at least it wasn't the same guy... But this one made me cry and my heart actually physically hurt the way I haven't cried or hurt since B2 and I broke up last year... And yet I tried to defend his ass to my friends... What am I thinking? No clue....
Anyway... So I thought I'd have to choose bewteen 3 guys and juggle them all... By the time I got to the Firehouse I had it narrowed down to 2.... One didn't show, so I was like ok, whatever... But one of them was there and acting into me still... Whoo hoo... I even enlisted him to help me avoid someone... That part didn't work so well... Anyway so we're being kinda touchy feely... and then we dance a couple of times and he's all grabby hands, which I don't mind at all... Someone told me he was dirty dancing and groping a couple of girls... Ok, so he's drunk, no biggie.... So after we dance one time I go to say something to someone and turn back around and he's dancing with someone else... No biggie.... I glance back again a few minutes later and he's kissing her... WTF!?!?! I walk away and go get something to drink and cool down... I go back and talk to Nicole for a few and he comes up behind me acting all touchy feely again... my brain said no, but the rest of me said yes... the rest of me won.... so he wonders off and i go outside and call Melly and tell her whats goin on.... I would have called Seany but hes drunk in Galveston and can't do jack, and if I'd called B, he'd have gone apeshit.... and nathan was out in Santa Cruz somewhere with his boyfriend... So we decide I'm goin home... I go back in, rinse my face a lil and go to say good bye to everyone... Nicole could tell I'd been crying and just hugged me... (thanks, hon, I needed that....) So I go to say good bye to him and he refuses to let me leave... Making me hopeful again... Damn him... We kissed and danced and stuff... and I'm feeling pretty good again... And then somehow he winds up dancing with the same girl from earlier... ok.... and I was talking to a friend of his and i turn around and they're making out.... All I wanted to do was burst into tears.... I'm sure everyone wonders why I left so quickly and so early but I just couldn't deal with that anymore... So I left and pumped up Papa Roach (the hardest rock, angriest music I had in the car) and came home... Teared up on the way a lil... Got home, let a few people know I was home, and changed clothes... Now I want to burn the clothes I was wearing and just forget tonight ever happened.... I cried over a man for the first time in like a year... and I swore I'd never do that again... damn him... I know we never had a relationship but that smacks of the whole B2 break up... One man I thought was almost without fault, only to have all my illusions completely destroyed... Happened again tonight... I don't like this feeling at all.... Now I just want to go to bed and forget him and everything I ever felt for him... But that's gonna be a toughie... I don't feel vengeful... Too much... But I do think I need to talk to him about this shit... Cuz in all the times we've hung out and stuff and he's drunk this kinda thing hasn't happened... at least not as far as I know.... yeah so the show tonight? I only remember Mike Mancy playing a Black Crowes song and talking about Coby and Kelly, and I remember Boland singing my baby loves me when I'm stoned.... I remember Dub Miller gettin called up on stage but other than that, the whole nights a blank.... Yet another thing I can thank him for I suppose... Damn him. so yeah its bed time... maybe everything will look better in the morning..... laters.

posted by Ali @ 2:15 AM

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