Sunday, May 15, 2005

ok I wrote this last night and its really long, so if you reallly want to read it, just beware it took up 2 pages on Word...
also I updated my poetry page and my calendar if you want to go take a look see under my links...
Lil rant here… Stemming from some stuff I’ve seen in the last week or so… I used to scream and yell and stay up close to the stage at shows… But I was never rude. And I NEVER used my body to get what I wanted (ok so I have a lil just for free drinks, so sue me…) and I have never wanted to sleep with someone famous because they were famous and/or had money… Maybe cuz I unlike a lot of people grew up with money (my dad was in the oil biz in the 80s) and so its not as important to me? And the men I spent my childhood around, had money and power and fame… If I sat here and named all the people I met because my daddy was well off and connected to the Democratic Party, you’d either never believe me or you’d wonder what the hell happened to me.
How can you grow up around money and not look like some rich bitch? Easy. I didn’t know we had money… I just assumed everyone lived like we did. I had a sheltered childhood and until junior high I was in the majority… White upper middle class… My jr high was an eye opener… And it was my 6th grade year that daddy died. The year before I had started horse back riding lessons (even had my own horse named Black Beauty – how horse crazy was I?), and quit Girl Scouts… It was in the beginning of 5th grade I got over my fear of dogs… Yeah I know I love em now but when I was a kid I was scared shitless of em… Big or small…. I took lessons even though daddy owned a ranch and I had my own horse there. I continued to take lessons after daddy died until 8th grade and then I quit that too… I grew up in a house in the Memorial area… A house that was two stories and had a pool, backyard, and hot tub. Did I mention the 3 car garage yet? Yeah we had one of those too…. Plus the ranch in Laredo, daddy always swore George Strait’s was right across the freeway… He was so full of shit…. The Strait ranch is closer to San Antonio… And the condo and house on Keel Ave in Corpus… People wonder why CC is like my 2nd home and its cuz I’ve spent so much damn time there… Rarely do I have to ask Becca directions… though usually she does know some back roads I don’t…. So I guess I’ll keep her around…
When I was 5, he moved out of the house but they didn’t get divorced till I was in 3rd or 4th grade… My sisters don’t remember the arguing before he moved out but I do… And I loved the man but he was full of shit, only about half of what he said was the truth and he was an alcoholic. So even though I am German Irish and can handle my liquor, that’s one of the reasons I don’t drink often…
The year after daddy died we moved to Ripple Creek, a nice lil one story with a back yard and a car port… A year or so after daddy died we gave away 2 of our 3 dogs… Taffy and Cookie… Apricot toy poodle sisters born a year apart… We kept Tiffy, Taffy’s littermate till she died the year before we moved to the townhouse… Some of the absolute sweetest dogs I have ever met. Wouldn’t guard worth a damn. They’d rather lick you to death than attack… If they bit you it was by accident. And good God they wouldn’t fetch… They’d just sit there and look at whatever you threw like they expected you to go get it…. My 7th grade year right around Christmas, Mom sent Taffy and Cookie to ‘obedience school’… Turns out she sent them to Corpus with my aunt Pam and given them away…. And she told us what she’d done on La’s birthday… That was a smart move…. But I don’t think I’ll ever get lucky enough to find another dog like em anywhere… I’ve found a few that remind me of em but there will never be another Tiff… Or Taffy or Cookie for that matter…
We buried her behind the car port at the Ripple Creek house and Pecos (or el gato loco as I like to call him… ) was moved ‘temporarily’ to Becca’s house in Corpus… We’ve always had a menagerie of some sort… Cats for the most part till I was in 5th grade because of my phobia of dogs… Birds… fish…. Hamsters…. We never tried reptiles but we did have frogs and turtles… 4th and 5th grade I got over my fear for the most part (bigger dogs made me nervous till a high school) daddy and uncle David had a mutt named Rattler I fell in love at the ranch and a black lab named Blackie… I went to high school at Memorial, well known for its snotty, bitchy, well dressed people and the amount of money the parents put into the school…. I was the anti Memorial when I was there… Most of the people in my class back in 97 I had known since elementary school, and yes some of them were snotty stuck up asses but for the most part you wouldn’t meet nicer people anywhere. Goes to show how off some stereo types are…
We moved to the townhouse that’s almost downtown almost 2 years ago (this July) and I’m still not sure I like it or not… On one hand it is closer to downtown and the Med center and Memorial Park (all of which I hardly go to)… On the other there’s no greenery, no backyard, no hammock strung out between 2 trees to nap in on a warm afternoon…
Ok enough with the autobiography back to the rant… As I was saying, I don’t really understand why some girls feel they have to try to get with anyone that has even a small measure of fame (though in a lot of musicians cases, not a lot of money….)… Most of the people that I call my friends, who happen to fall into the ‘slightly famous’ depending on who you ask, I met them through my ex, so I got to know them as people before I knew what they did or how well they did it or how much money they made doing it… I’m grateful to my ex for introducing me to such awesome people but would I ever want to try to sleep with one of the guys that I’ve met through him? Not so much no… Dolls they are for the most part, they’re no angels, though I know no one is… Me included. I just don’t want to put up with all the shit I went through with my ex, just because he made his living a certain way. So what, he played guitar and sang? That was sexy sure. (I wanted to drag him off stage and strip him naked and take advantage of him sometimes, it was so sexy…) But to want to sleep with him just because that’s what he does for a living? Lord don’t make me laugh… Ha. Ha. ha. No it was never that… That was part of who he was and I just accepted it and knew it’d be tougher to have a relationship of any kind with him… But I thought it was worth it… Least till I found out about the lying and cheating part… Yeah, that was no fun. I was with that man because I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread… He was attractive, talented, ambitious, smart, and he could make me laugh… All my major requirements in a man… And he was such a romantic… I wasn’t with him cuz he had a CD out it was because I thought he was an amazing human being. I don’t know if anyone else ever thought that of him except me… He called me his conscience because I always wanted the best for him…Still do for that matter. And I know no matter how big an asswipe he acts, its mostly bravado and he wishes the same for me… Who do you think encouraged me to go back to school even though we’d only been dating a few months even though it’d be harder for us to see each other? Him.
Ok, enough with the ex back to the rant…. My question is, are some girls so desperate to be known for something that sleeping with someone even semi famous makes em think they’re the shit? Or are they so lacking in love in their lives they seek it from people who will just use and discard them? Or are some of them looking for a strong male influence in their lives and that’s the only way to get it? Look at me and my bad ass Psych 101…
Ok, this is far far too much info about me but it all lends credence to my original rant about groupies… I am a band aid. I love the music. I love the guys putting it out. But I don’t want to sleep with them all just cuz they play music. If that were true I’d have slept with practically every guy I’ve ever known since most of em play some sort of instrument… I’ve been in choir most of my life, so I’ve come across some really talented people. Do I want to sleep with them because of that? Hell no.
For reals this is the end. If you now hate me for writing so much… You’ll have to wait in line behind Sean who now wants to kick my ass (again) for keeping him waiting for the an hour while I typed this. And he came over to help me with a song… Oops…
Yeah and after I wrote this I barely managed to stay awake till like 12 30... Then he gave me a back rub and it was over... I don't even remember him leaving last night... then i woke up at noon... I'm sooo glad I'm off today... I haven't had a lazy Sunday in longer than I care to think about.... laters....

posted by Ali @ 1:27 PM

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