Not Your Average Jane

"Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness....I need to calculate What creates my own madness.... And I'm addicted to your punishment...And you're the master And I am craving this disaster..." Papa Roach "Getting Away with Murder"

Damn, am I feeling this song at the moment... "I feel irrational, so confrontational... " no I dont feel like i'm getting away with Jack squat... "I think my thoughts when I dont need to..." true... My brain is filled with shit... not literally but I can't stop thinking about my shit... job shit, love life stuff... mostly love life stuff... I'm in the perfect mood to write some killa stuff but Im so damn tired I dont think I can... or how much sense it would make.... wonder if they guys are still up? It is only midnight in Cali.... This is a damn good song, kinda early in the morning for it though.... Not too late at night though.... :)
I was thinking earlier... yet again I know.... k, time for some Blue... maybe itll chill me out... Though Justins still a cutie (darn him) and CB's still hot, so naughty thoughts could run through my head... hell yall know they will... :)
So yeah while I was thinking earlier... Mainly about my singleton ness (too much sex in the city for Ali... :) ) and I realized something... In all the relationships I've had I've never once dated a guy who was at all romantic... The only time a guys given me anything was flowers... Once my senior year of high school as a polite gesture from my escort to a formal and the other a single rose on a blind date... WTF!?!? I need romance and yet I put up with none.... Well yeah there are different kinds I know... a back rub after a hard day or just snuggling on the couch can be romantic but I mean your classic romantic things like flowers and candy (though I really shouldnt since I'm still trying to lose weight - only 6 pounds left!!!), holding the door open, a candlelight dinner, that kinda romance.... I want to be treated like a lady dammit.... I'm not saying my exes have all been disrespectful assholes... (i wouldnt be friends with most of them now if they were) they just didnt have a clue about how to woo a girl... and I never had the patience to try to teach them, so maybe its a bit my fault but I'm very old school... Guys paying for dates (though after the first few I'm likely to split or at least pretend to want to...), opening doors, bringing flowers, not expecting sex on the first date like I'm some cheap ass ho on the corner... (Its not gonna happen fyi...) Maybe after a few dates I'll think about it, but its unlikely since I dont do sex without some sort of feeling (other than horniness ) behind it... Its the way I was raised... So who am I to buck my upbringing? :)
Also I was thinking about meeting Brian and cruz tonight at Sullivans
but we went to see the Aviator (its ok...) and got home at like 930 and i didnt feel like goin out again... its too damn cold... maybe some other night... k, thats about it... bed time for me and then shopping in the afternoon! :) laters....

posted by Ali @ 2:00 AM