"I tear my heart open,
I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel" - Papa Roach "Scars"
2 posts in one day is rare I know, but I heard this song and I kinda feel like I have to do this one.... I think all that got left out is all the jerk offs I dated..... Not all of them were but the majority were.... (I call em jerk offs and I'm still friends with most, I'm far too nice...)
I had this conversation with a friend of mine the other night... Actaully a group of friends.... It seems as though a lot of people don't know me well enough to realize yes I'm sweet but I'm as far from naive as you can get.... Though I think last night I got my point across a lil better... And over the last few monthes a few people have heard bits and pieces of my past... So I thought for once I'd put out the almost full nearly unvarnished as best as I remember it version of my life... Or at least the teenage years to the present...
Ok so when I was 13, I met Brody... Who introduced me to Sean, Nathan, and Tom... All of whom were older than me (though Sean was 14 at the time) ... They're the world's greatest guys and I'm proud to call them my friends... Now as time went on, I started seeing stuff they didn't want me privy to... Pot smoking and some borderline illegal things... They tried to shelter me but it didn't always work... When I was 17 I went through a period of intense depression and I believe they saved me.... I can't recall the number of times I contemplated suicide that year.... The summer I was 19, I started hangin out with my lil sis and her group of friends... That summer I witnessed more drugs done (and even tried one or 2 myself... I'm not proud of it but there it is. ) Not only pot was done at get togethers, some x was dropped, I saw coke being done for the first time.... I also discovered the House of Pies that summer.... So time goes on and after that summer I never do any drugs again. Every summer after I hung out with my 'boys' as I affectionately call em... And my sis and her group of friends occasionally... They quit doin most hard drugs and stuck with pot.... With the exception of Dustin... Ahh, Dusty.... One of those guys whose got more problems than the US Mail.... Bipolar, addicted to chrystal meth and thought of himself as a drug dealer... I learned more about the various types of pot from him than anyone.... He asks me out at one point... I turned him down... A few monthes later he goes to jail for breaking and entering and assault....
That next summer I discover my favorite cousin is addicted to speed.... He's gettin like 2 hours of sleep a night, hanging out with a biker gang... Here's the reason I know big guys are for the most part teddy bears.... Also why I feel free to mouth off, I know they have my back as well as my boys do.... Besides what kind of idiot would hit me? I'd hit em back... :) Outlandish and crazy as that may sound, its my first reaction... So time goes on and I take for granted the rights and privledges granted to me as his cuz, the lil sister, the buddy, etc. I still do to some extent but I know if I need em they're all gonna be there for me, as fast as they can walk, drive, hitch, fly there.... Its a damn good feeling. Thats pretty much it in a nutshell.... So if you still think I don't know shit about the world, come on over to my place and we'll chat.... :) laters.
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