Not Your Average Jane

I've been thinking.... a dangerous thing I know... :0) About religion, about love, about me, my family, about my job, and about my life...
Someone told me people that go to church are nothing but hypocrites... and I'm finding I'm tending to agree to a point... Not everyone is, which is why I said to a point.... God and I are cool... I'm Christian, I'm semi religious, and I pray.... I believe in a Heaven and a Hell and I believe that Jesus died to save all man kind... So if I don't go to church does that make me a bad Christian? Not according to most people... But if I do go to church for the wrong reasons does that make me a bad person? I don't know... That requires a bit of thought.... I actually went to half price today and bought a bible... I'm gonna give reading it another go... sans influence of friends and for my own sake....
As for my current crush... (heres where most of the thinking about my family, my job and my life came in....) I'm still not sure what to do if anything.... I was talking to B (we had lunch together today) and he told me when I talked about this guy I practically lit up... and he told me he's never seen me like that, not with him or B2 or any of the other 8 million guys I've dated/had a crush on... Kinda wowed me and embarrassed me at the same time.... I admitted I missed hearing his voice today (I was off work).... Same thing happened Monday when he had the day off.... Then when I saw him again on Tuesday i had to prevent myself from smiling so big my face cracked.... I was that damn happy... I've dissected it and looked at it every way possible and I still have no answer.... all the same issues still exist and at the moment it seems like theres nothing I can do.... So for the moment I'm gonna do nothing. Difficult for me, I know, but it can and will be done... I'd be apprehensive if anything DID happen in fact.... Whats that tell you about how far out of my comfort zone he is? Does that even make sense?
in OTHER news... Nat told me she, her mom and her lil sis were at Dillards today and I wasn't and I was like yeah I'm off today and tommorrow... I was tempted to ask her if he was there... But I didn't and I'm pretty sure he didn't come in till 3 today anyway since he had class till then anyway... And yes I know his schedule... Not like we keep those sorts of things secret... (at work in general not just me an him we)
So anyway I ran a bunch of my own errands after lunch and one for mom.... I have some more stuff I need to do tommorrow over by the mall, so I'll get it done and stuff... and the jobhunt will continue.... whoo fucking hoo.... I need to ask Nat if she still wants to go to San Mark for my bday and make a hotel reservation... I found one at the holiday inn express for 59, so either with or without her I'm doing it.... I'll take an absense and/ or tardy from work if I have to but I'm going to see the Trailers dammit.... Come hell or high water... (high water's more possible esp. after yesterday's rain... hehehehe....) thats really it for now... laters.....

posted by Ali @ 1:13 AM