Not Your Average Jane

Ok, completely serious post here..... No boy drama, no music stuff.... Straight up serious shit... And beware it may be a bit disturbing to a few people.... Pretty much an R rating for all the little kiddies, or maybe NC 17....
Anyway this guy I know on GW is going through something huge and majorly traumatic and just plain mind blowing.... He's depressed. Not just that little bit down or got the blues but out and out suffering from depression so bad you don't wanna get out of bed... That got me thinking about something I haven't thought about in years... I guess I sort of choose NOT to think about it because of the awesomeness that is me now... :0) (no problem with humbleness here, huh? :0) ) Ok, not many people that know me now know that I've been through my own up close and personal bout with depression... I didn't do the medications, though some thought I should.... I was in high school and nothing seemed to be going my way... I got in a funk that slowly developed into my not wanting to go out of the house, I had the world's worst time getting out of bed even... It was like this dark pit that kept sucking me down... I did nothing but cry it seems for months... Someone yelled at me, I cried, someone smiled at me, I cried.... It didn't matter what was said, even being looked at wrong I burst into tears.... I had thoughts of suicide.... I was almost obsessed with them... I was convinced no one loved me, not even my own mother.... If it wasn't for my boys I don't know what I would have done.... I'm convinced if they hadn't been there I wouldn't be alive... They literally saved my life.... They all took turns calling me and coming by the house... Taking me out to the beachhouse for long weekends..... And I didn't have to be nice or polite... I was actually a huge bitch and they didn't care.... You know the phrase, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger? I think this applies to me and my relationship with my boys... If they hadn't have called me and let me be a rude bitch and come around when I had run all my other friends off and not only put up with me but drag me out and force me to have interaction with the world as a whole... Later on a shrink would say she thought I recovered because I had come to terms with my fathers death (4 years b4), I say its all because of these guys I not only prospered but that I lived period. They know how I feel cuz I tell em I love em but I don't think they realize how grateful I am to them and will always be. Depression isn't something to be laughed at or taken lightly. It can be life threatening, emotionally distraught, and physically debilitating disease.... I'll write about the wedding Sunday tommorrow or the next day, I'm drained now.... Laters.

posted by Ali @ 9:56 PM