Not Your Average Jane

WARNING: This entry is very introspective and may make you teary-eyed!!!!!

Ok, so I don't usually post twice in a day, but I had a moment earlier and I just wanted to share.... I was playing with the cat earlier and one of my pictures fell off the table somehow... It was the old pic of my dad, me and Lauren way back before Linz was born... The stoopid cheap frame broke so I had to go to Walmart and get a new one.... But my moment.... Extreme Makeover home was on and I fell in love with Ty AGAIN.... He was sooo sweet and the little old lady was so grateful and so happy... It was greatness... I shed a tear or two, as well... (my rule - no one cries alone around me, whether it be on TV or up close and personal....) Still not my moment, yet... So I went to pick up my picture and I toss the frame and I look at the picture and I realize, I had almost forgotten what he looked like.... He died in '90 and I've had this pic for a few years, but I've never looked at it... I mean really looked at it until tonight.... I stared so hard, that the picture went out of focus... Have you ever done that? Been so intense in a task or a look that everything else just faded out? Its one hell of an experience... I wondered when I was looking at him, what he was thinking when that picture was taken (it was predivorce and pre Linz - so who knows?). Had he come to the realization that he was alcoholic yet? Did he have ulcers yet? Did his smile looked a little forced or was that just my imagination? Was he always so unhealthy looking or was that me? Then I wondered about the funny little things like I wonder if Lauren knows how silly she looks almost bald? Or that I look good without bangs and glasses.... And why in the world did mom dress us so identically all the time? (once Linz came along it got worse until we all rebelled when I was in jr. high....) Anywho I went to Walmart and got a new frame, I don't like it as much, but it'll do for now.... But I still wonder if the image I've always had of Daddy was a fantastic image that was almost larger than life or just the image every little girl has of her daddy, who can do no wrong..... Yeah, anyway.... Thats really all for now... Laters.....

posted by Ali @ 10:29 PM